Escape to Paradise: Stunning Montone Villa with Private Pool!
Oh. My. God. Escape to Paradise: Seriously Stunned by Montone Villa! (Review That's More Me Than Brochure Blah Blah)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to spill the tea on Escape to Paradise: Stunning Montone Villa with Private Pool! And let me tell you, "stunning" is an understatement. They should really rename this place "OMG-I-Need-To-Move-Here-And-Become-A-Professional-Nap-Taker-Villa."
First Impressions (or: My Jaw Hitting the Cobblestones)
From the moment I pulled up, my brain short-circuited. Forget the brochure photos – the reality is ridiculously gorgeous. Seriously, this place just radiates Italy. You know, the kind that makes your heart do a little happy dance? This is it.
Accessibility: (Because We All Need to Know, Right?)
Alright, so full disclosure, I'm not in a wheelchair, but my travel buddy is. And honestly? This place really tried. Elevator – check. Ramps where they needed to be – check. They've definitely put effort into making it Facilities for disabled guests so you can get around. But, and this is a small but crucial "but," some areas felt a tad…challenged. I'm thinking cobblestones in a couple of areas and the path to the pool wasn't like a smooth buttery road of glory. Maybe I'm nitpicking. Overall, a solid effort – but not PERFECT, y'know? If 95% accessibility is what you need, you are in luck!
The Internet Saga (Or: Why I (Mostly) Survived Without Social Media)
Okay, this is where things get a little… messy. They have Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services, and Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Great! Except, when I tried to actually USE the Internet access – LAN or the Wi-Fi [free] in my room…lets just say it was a digital rollercoaster. One minute, streaming Netflix, the next? Crickets. My connection was about as reliable as my ex's promises. But hey, at least I was forced to actually look at the view, right? You know the whole concept of Laptop workspace is great if the Internet works! Still, they seemed to try… which is the thought that counts. And there was Wi-Fi in public areas, so I could at least get my fix on the terrace. Overall, internet is there, if you can find it, so not a deal breaker!
Cleanliness & Safety: (COVID-era paranoia checklist? ✅)
Listen, I’m slightly obsessed with cleanliness, especially these days. And Escape to Paradise delivered. They've got everything: Anti-viral cleaning products, Hygiene certification, Daily disinfection in common areas, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, The whole shebang! They even went the extra mile for Staff trained in safety protocol like they were on a covert hygiene mission. They had Hand sanitizer everywhere, like it’s practically the air we breathe, and I appreciated the Cashless payment service. I actually felt safe, people. This place is doing it right. I was especially impressed by the Safe dining setup and the Sanitized kitchen and tableware items. Oh and the Physical distancing of at least 1 meter? Perfect.
Food, Glorious Food! (My Stomach's Personal Paradise)
Okay, let’s just talk about the food. Because if you're a foodie, this place is a total game-changer. The Asian cuisine in restaurant? Delicious. The Western cuisine in restaurant? Also delicious. And honestly? The Breakfast [buffet] was a revelation. They had EVERYTHING. Okay maybe not everything, but it felt like it. The best Coffee/tea in restaurant too. I’m a coffee person! They've got a Poolside bar! I mean come on!. Oh, and they have Breakfast in room and a Breakfast takeaway service! Did I say heaven?
Things to Do (or: My Vacation Became a Full-Time Spa Day)
So, on paper, there are Things to do! But let's be real, I spent most of my time horizontal. What's not to love? The Swimming pool [outdoor]? Perfection. The pool with view? Sigh. Then there was the Spa/sauna. I'm not usually a spa person, but, hello, I got a Body scrub! Then a Body wrap! My skin felt like a freakin' dream. And the Massage? Forget about it. I'm still not sure my muscles have stopped thanking me. They also had a Gym/fitness, and a Foot bath -- for the truly dedicated.
My Quirky Observations and Imperfections:
- Okay, so if you are a party-animal lover, this might not be the place for you. It's mostly quiet. This isn't a complaint!
- The Room decorations were beautiful -- but maybe a tad too many cherubs for my taste. Just a personal preference thing.
- I loved the Terrace, but the chairs could use some…fluffing.
- And the Air conditioning in the common areas could be cranked up a notch or two. It was a little warm. But I think it's part of the charm!
The Room (or: My Personal Castle)
My room? Magnificent. Air conditioning soothed the heat. A big Blackout curtains that was perfect for my naps! Bathrobes? Check. Slippers? Check. The Bathroom phone? I'm not sure why I needed it, but I loved it. Complimentary tea and Coffee/tea maker. I felt like royalty. Oh, and the View from the window was seriously unreal.
Services and Conveniences (The Little Things That Make a Big Difference)
- Daily housekeeping was flawless.
- The Concierge was super helpful.
- Food delivery was a total lifesaver.
- The Car park [free of charge] was easy.
- Laundry service and Ironing service are great and not over the top expensive.
Areas for Improvement (Because Nothing's Perfect, Right?)
- The internet. Seriously, get on that.
- A more comprehensive map of the grounds would be helpful.
- Perhaps some more signage for the Kids facilities I didn't try them but I am sure it's great!
Overall Verdict: Should You Go? (Um, HELL YES!)
Escape to Paradise: Stunning Montone Villa with Private Pool! is a gem, imperfections and all. If you're looking for a beautiful escape, some serious relaxation, and a touch of Italian magic, book it. Now. Before I go back and snag your room. Seriously, I might just stay here. It was pure, unadulterated, bliss…and my new happy place. Consider me officially obsessed.
Escape to Paradise: Belvilla's Rio Uno Sesta Godano Gem!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly-planned itinerary. This is the Montone-or-Bust (mostly bust, probably) itinerary, fuelled by caffeine, questionable decisions, and the sheer, unadulterated joy of abandoning all semblance of routine. We're talking a holiday home in Montone, Italy, with a pool. Did I mention the pool? Because, honestly, that's the only reason I'm going. Everything else is just… well, let's see.
Day 1: Arrival – The Glamorous Unpacking of Doom
- Morning (or, more likely, Early-Afternoon, thanks to EasyJet's perpetual delay): Land in Perugia. Honestly, the airport is smaller than my local Tesco Express. Cute, in a "I-hope-my-luggage-doesn't-get-lost" sort of way. The car rental? A Fiesta. I’d envisioned a sleek Italian something, but no. Fiesta it is. Pray for me. Pray for the Fiesta.
- Lunch: Panic-buying snacks at the airport. Because Italy. And because I'm already convinced I'll starve. Croissants. Water. Those weird, individually wrapped cheese triangles that look suspiciously like they’ve been through the apocalypse.
- Afternoon: The drive. Oh, the drive. Picturesque rolling hills, check. Winding roads clinging to the sides of mountains, check. Me, frantically trying to navigate with Google Maps while simultaneously screaming "SLOW DOWN" at myself, check. Seriously, driving can be a serious drama in Italy!!!
- Late Afternoon/Early Evening: FINALLY, the holiday home. The pictures were… well, they were flattering. The reality? Slightly less Instagram-worthy, but charming in a "rustic charm" kind of way. The pool, THANK GOD, is glorious. Sparkling blue, calling my name. Unpacking… a disaster. Clothes everywhere. Suitcase permanently wedged under the bed. Wine, though. Wine is priority number one. And maybe a bag of the cheese triangles, just in case.
- Evening: Dinner at a trattoria in Montone. Found one after 30 minutes of walking around in circles and asking "Dov'è?" to anyone that looked vaguely local… and didn't laugh. Pizza. Glorious, slightly burnt pizza. Wine, again. Laughter (mostly at myself). And that feeling, that glorious, "I'm actually here!" feeling.
Day 2: Montone Madness & The Great Tomato Incident
- Morning: Coffee on the terrace. The view? Breathtaking. I could get used to this. Slowly, slowly, waking up to the world. And the mosquitoes. Rude.
- Late Morning: Exploring Montone. Beautiful hilltop town. Wandering the narrow streets, peering into artisan shops. Buying a ceramic bowl that is definitely going to break on the way home. Pretending I understand Italian. Mostly failing.
- Lunch: Decided to make a simple lunch at the house. A Caprese salad! Simple, elegant. Until I tried to cut the tomatoes. Those suckers were ROCK HARD. Cue the Great Tomato Incident. Sliced one. Spattered juice everywhere. The kitchen (and my white t-shirt) looked like a crime scene. Managed to scavenge a passable salad, though. Victory!
- Afternoon: The pool. Glorious, life-affirming pool time. Sunbathing (resulting in minor sunburn. Minor, I tell you!), reading, and letting the world melt away. This is what it's all about.
- Evening: Cooking class. Ambitious? Maybe. I am pretty much a disaster in the kitchen. Learned how to make pasta. Covered myself in flour. Nearly burned down the place. But the pasta? Actually, edible! Even surprisingly good. Triumph! Dinner, and a feeling of, well, accomplishment.
Day 3: Assisi - Holy Moly and More Wobbly Roads
- Morning: A quick drive to Assisi. This involves, once again, navigating roads that seem to be designed to test your sanity (and your car's suspension).
- Late Morning: Assisi. Holy. Moly. This city is stunning. Steep, cobbled streets. Ancient buildings. The Basilica of San Francesco is mind-blowing. Felt a little overwhelmed, a little underdressed, and a lot in awe. Spent far too long staring at the frescoes.
- Lunch: Panini in Assisi. Delicious. And the sheer weight of the bread made me think that I could actually use a diet. I'll start tomorrow.
- Afternoon: More Assisi. More wandering. More feeling of being transported back in time. Bought some olive oil. And a tiny, ridiculously cute ceramic donkey.
- Evening: Back in Montone. Pool time! (Are you seeing a pattern?) Prepped for the next day.
- Evening: Dinner at a restaurant in Montone. Had a long chat with one of the waiters, Marco, about the food, the local wines, and life in general. Such a beautiful culture.
Day 4: Truffle Hunting and Deep, Dark Secrets (Maybe)
- Morning: Truffle hunting experience! Oh, boy. This sounds like an experience. I am in my zone. The guide, a wizened old farmer, spoke rapidly in Italian. I understood about 30%. But the dogs! The truffle-hunting dogs were adorable and incredibly focused. We found a truffle! I felt like a foraging queen. I think I might even love truffle oil
- Lunch: Truffle pasta. Obviously. The best pasta I’ve ever had. (Well, apart from the one I made, of course.)
- Afternoon: Back to the pool, that magnificent life-giving, and frankly life-saving.
- Evening: Dinner at the house again. Made a pasta with the truffle? A little bit of a disaster. Wine, as always. Fell asleep on the sofa. Perfect.
Day 5: Rest Day - The Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing (Except Maybe Drinking Wine)
- All. Day. Long: Pool. Sleep. Read. Drink wine. Avoid all responsibilities. Repeat. Glorious, beautiful, perfect. This is what holidays are for.
Day 6: The Winery Visit and The Great Olive Oil Tasting Debacle
- Morning: Trip to a local winery. I thought i knew my wine from my elbow, but the first sip was a revelation. The people were lovely. The wine was… phenomenal.
- Late Morning/ Early afternoon: Olive oil tasting. So. Many. Oils. So. Much. Dipping. Felt a little sick, a little dizzy, and a lot like I needed to go back to the pool.
- Afternoon: You know what I did. The Pool.
- Evening: More dinner. Maybe a final pizza. Trying to figure out how to sneak that ceramic bowl home in one piece. This, I suspect, will be the biggest challenge of the trip.
Day 7: Che Dio Ci Aiuti (God Help Me) - Departure
- Morning: Pack. The suitcase is a disaster zone. Tears. Panic. Try to cram everything in. Say goodbye to the pool, with a single, dramatic, tear. (Okay, maybe two.)
- Afternoon: Drive back to Perugia. Say a silent prayer that the Fiesta survives. Drop off the car. Check in for my flight. Contemplate staying. Forever. But work calls.
- Evening: Flight. Finally. Exhausted but exhilarated. Dream of Montone. Dream of the pool. Dream of tomatoes that actually slice.
- Late Evening: Arrive home. Unpack. Sigh. Start planning the next trip. Because this? This was pure, unadulterated, messy, imperfect, Italian perfection.
And finally, some random observations:
- The Italians are ridiculously stylish. Even the old men on scooters. I feel like a slob in my "comfy" travel clothes.
- The pasta is amazing. I gained five pounds. Worth it.
- The mosquitoes? Evil. Bring bug spray with a high DEET content. (Trust me, you’ll need it.)
- Learning a few basic Italian phrases is a game-changer. Even if you butcher them.
- Embrace the chaos. Embrace the imperfections. Embrace the wine.
- Most importantly: The pool. The pool. The pool. Seriously, if you don't love the pool, you haven't lived.
So, is this "Escape to Paradise" REALLY paradise? Like, *actually*?
Alright, alright, let's be real. Paradise? Look, it ain't the Garden of Eden, okay? There's no naked dudes frolicking around offering free fruit. But… it's pretty damn close. Especially after that first bottle of Prosecco by the pool. I'm talking, you're looking out at those rolling Umbrian hills, the sun's turning everything gold, you've got zero responsibilities… Okay, yeah, it’s paradise-ish. There was this one morning, though, where I woke up to a rogue bee stuck in the mosquito netting. That definitely wasn't paradise. More like… "mildly panicked scramble to avoid being stung before the coffee kicked in." But hey, even paradise has its flaws, right?
The Pool! The pictures look insane. Is it as good in person?
The pool. Oh man, the pool. Those pictures? They don't lie. It's… magnificent. Crystal clear, perfectly shaped, the size where you can actually swim laps (if you’re into that kind of thing, which I’m not), and the view… Ugh, the view. I spent a solid afternoon just… floating. Just staring up at the Tuscan sun, feeling utterly and completely useless in the best possible way. BUT, and there's always a but, getting in and out is a bit… treacherous. The steps are slippery, and I may or may not have taken an involuntary swan dive on the first day. My dignity? Slightly bruised. The pool itself? Absolutely flawless. Worth the potential for a clumsy entry? Absolutely.
Is the villa itself… nice? Like, actually luxurious?
"Luxurious" is a word that gets thrown around a lot these days, doesn't it? This villa? Yeah, I'd say it leans pretty damn close. Think exposed stone walls, giant fireplaces (which are AMAZING in the evening, even if you're too lazy to actually light a fire), beautiful furniture that actually feels comfortable, not just stuffy. It had everything. Seriously. You get so used to it, the little things too. The espresso machine (essential!), the fully stocked kitchen (more on that later), the comfy beds. Though… and I'm only saying this because my wife will kill me if I don't… the towels were a bit thin. Like, spa-quality, sure, but you may want to bring an extra one for the "after pool chill" session. Just a thought.
Cooking in Italy… is it worth it? Should I bother?
Oh. MY. GOD. YES. Bothering to cook in Italy? Seriously? This is where it gets real, people. Look, I’m not a chef. I barely know how to scramble an egg without setting off the smoke alarm. But the local markets? They're bursting with goodness! Seriously, fresh tomatoes that taste like sunshine, fragrant basil, the most incredible olive oil you've ever tasted… I swear, half the enjoyment of the trip was just wandering around the market in Montone, pretending I knew what I was doing, and then returning to the villa with enough ingredients to feed a small army. We had pasta with pesto at the villa on the first night. I even attempted a tiramisu. It wasn't pretty, but hey, it was edible. And the experience? Unforgettable. And cheap too, you could eat like a king for what you pay at a restaurant. Well worth the bother!
What's the deal with Montone itself? Is it boring?
Boring? Absolutely not! Montone is… perfect. Small, charming, with winding cobblestone streets, a ridiculously beautiful main square, and enough little trattorias to keep you fed for weeks. It's the kind of place where you can actually *relax*. I spent a morning getting lost in the town, stumbling upon hidden courtyards, and just… breathing. Then, because I'm a sucker for a good view, I climbed the bell tower, where I got the most stunning view. It also has a couple of lovely shops - I almost bought a scarf. (But I didn't, sensible, eh?). The only downside? Be prepared to walk. And by walk, I mean UP. Those Italian towns, man, they're built on hills. So, pack comfortable shoes, and embrace the burn. You'll thank me later.
Anything REALLY bad? Any serious downsides?
Okay, here's the truth bomb. The Wi-Fi. It's… spotty. Accept it. Plan for it. Embrace the digital detox. Because honestly? It's kinda wonderful. You're forced to slow down, look up from your phone, and actually *talk* to the people you're with. The rest of the “downside” would be me nit-picking. Maybe those thin towels? Or the bee incident (which, thankfully, was a one-off). Oh, and if you're a light sleeper, the church bells. They chime. A lot. But honestly, after a couple of days, you kind of get used to it. And in a small town like Montone, what more could you want?
Would you go back? Honestly?
Do you even need to ask? I'm already plotting my return. I can already picture myself, sitting by that pool, another bottle of Prosecco, the sun setting over those glorious hills… YES. Absolutely, wholeheartedly, without a doubt, I would go back. In a heartbeat. Book it. Go. Now. Just... don't hog the pool all day. There's space for everyone to enjoy it, hopefully not with as much clumsiness as I showed.
