Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits in Amsterdam's Countryside!
Escape to Paradise: My Amsterdam Farmhouse Fiasco (And It Was Glorious!) - A Review That's Actually Honest.
Okay, so "Escape to Paradise" is a massive claim, right? And, to be honest, my expectations were sky-high (thanks, Instagram). But the Amsterdam countryside? A farmhouse dream? I was sold. And you know what? For the most part, it delivered and I’m here to give you the real, unfiltered, slightly-too-much-coffee-fueled truth.
(Metadata: Amsterdam Farmhouse, Netherlands Hotels, Countryside Getaway, Spa Hotel Amsterdam, Wheelchair Accessible Hotel, Family-Friendly Accommodation, Free Wi-Fi Amsterdam, Romantic Getaway, Pet-Friendly Amsterdam, Luxurious Hotel, Accessible Hotel Amsterdam, Spa & Sauna, Things to Do Amsterdam, Dutch Countryside)
The Arrival - A Glorious Muddle:
First things first – getting there! Airport transfer was a lifesaver ( Getting around: Airport transfer). The little van, thankfully, wasn't too cramped because after a long flight, comfort is KEY. The drive itself was gorgeous, swapping hectic city vibes for rolling green fields and the promise of… well, paradise. Check-in was swift and, bless them, contactless ( Services and conveniences: Contactless check-in/out). I loved it, I hate waiting!
Now, the farmhouse itself… it’s stunning. Really. Like, Pinterest-board worthy. And the front desk staff? Super cheerful and, I think, genuinely happy to be there ( Services and conveniences: Concierge, Front desk [24-hour]). They even offered a welcome drink, which was a surprisingly effective way of making you feel like you were really, REALLY escaping.
Accessibility - Mostly Smooth Sailing (But a Few Bumps in the Road):
Let's talk accessibility. I'm not in a wheelchair myself, but I made sure to check things out for my friend who uses one ( Accessibility: Wheelchair accessible). The website promises a lot, and generally delivers. The public areas are great. The ramp entrance was easy. The elevators are big, so you're not crammed in. And the overall design is spacious and open! The bathrooms were mostly accessible, but a wider door into the actual shower would def be a plus. Plus, more grab bars, please!
- Wheelchair accessible? Yes, with a few minor niggles.
- Facilities for disabled guests? Yes, and mostly very thoughtful.
Rooms – My Little Dutch Sanctuary (With a Few Oddities):
My room! Oh, the room! Available in all rooms: Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, In-room safe box, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens – I mean, it's almost everything you could ask for!
The bed? Heavenly. The blackout curtains? Perfection. The slippers? A touch of genius. The (free!) Wi-Fi? Fantastic ( Available in all rooms: Wi-Fi [free]). I swear I saw a bird fly by my window, which, combined with the coffee and gorgeous views, really made me believe I was indeed "escaping." One strange thing though, the room had two alarm clocks. Like, what was the fear? But fine, I can handle the extra alarm.
On the flip side, the TV had a terrible selection of channels. And the "laptop workspace" was a bit cramped. But honestly? With that scenery and those robes, I barely noticed.
Food and Drink – A Gastronomic Adventure (With the Occasional Mishap):
Food is crucial, right? Here's where things get a little… interesting.
- Restaurants: Yup, plural! There's the main restaurant ( Dining, drinking, and snacking: A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant), a coffee shop ( Dining, drinking, and snacking: Coffee shop), a poolside bar ( Dining, drinking, and snacking: Poolside bar), and room service 24/7 ( Dining, drinking, and snacking: Room service [24-hour]). Options, people!
- Breakfast: The breakfast buffet ( Dining, drinking, and snacking: Breakfast [buffet])? Glorious! Pancakes, pastries, fresh fruit… I probably ate my weight in stroopwafels (and absolutely zero regrets). There’s also an Asian breakfast ( Dining, drinking, and snacking: Asian breakfast), alongside the usual Western fare ( Dining, drinking, and snacking: Western breakfast). You can get breakfast in your room, too ( Cleanliness and safety: Breakfast in room).
- Dinner: The main restaurant offers a mix of international and local dishes. Some were divine, others a bit… meh. I ordered the "Chef's Special," and it turned out to be a plate of something I wouldn't feed my worst enemy. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But, on the upside, the staff were incredibly accommodating and offered me a free dessert. So, the recovery was good!
- Coffee/Tea: The coffee shop ( Dining, drinking, and snacking: Coffee shop, Coffee/tea in restaurant) was a life-saver. They served excellent coffee, perfect for fueling those long walks or just sitting and staring at the fields.
- Poolside Bar: The poolside bar offered delicious snacks and refreshing drinks, the perfect way to spend a lazy afternoon.
Spa and Relaxation - Pure Bliss (Mostly):
Okay, THIS is where "Escape to Paradise" really shines.
**Spa ( **Ways to relax: Body scrub, Body wrap, Massage, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom): The spa itself is beautiful. The treatments… well, the massage was *transcendent*. I swear, I floated out of there.
Sauna and Steamroom: Perfect for a bit of quiet reflection (or, let's be honest, napping).
**Swimming Pool ( **Ways to relax: Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor], Pool with view): The outdoor pool has an amazing view ( Ways to relax: Pool with view). I spent a ridiculous amount of time there, just soaking up the sun and the scenery.
**Fitness Center ( **Ways to relax: Fitness center) : A good selection of modern equipment.
Things to Do – Beyond the Beautiful Scenery:
The hotel offers a whole bunch of activities, including bike rentals ( Getting around: Bicycle parking). There are tons of cycling trails through the countryside! Honestly, I may not have done as much as I'd planned, because… well, the pool and the spa. But I did manage to stroll through the charming local villages.
Cleanliness and Safety - Feeling Safe and Sound:
I felt very safe and secure. They were taking COVID precautions seriously ( Cleanliness and safety: Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment). I felt confident in the cleaning and safety protocols.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere. Excellent.
- Staff wearing masks: Yep.
- My room: Seemed to be disinfected regularly.
Services and Conveniences – The Little Things That Matter:
- Concierge service: Super helpful, especially for organizing taxis and giving restaurant recommendations ( Services and conveniences: Concierge).
- Daily housekeeping: The rooms are spotless ( Services and conveniences: Daily housekeeping).
- Laundry service: Handy ( Services and conveniences: Laundry service).
- **Free Car Parking ( **Getting around: Car park [free of charge]): A huge plus!
- **Wi-Fi ( **Internet: Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services, Wi-Fi in public areas, Available in all rooms: Wi-Fi [free], Wi-Fi for special events, Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!): Great connection everywhere.
The Quirks (Because No Place is Perfect):
- The mini-bar: Expensive. I may or may not have sneaked my own snacks in.
- Getting a staff member: Very hard
Okay, buckle up, buttercup. This ain't your glossy magazine itinerary, alright? This is me, planning a trip… well, trying to plan a trip, to the Netherlands. Think less "perfectly pressed linen pants" and more "spilled stroopwafel crumbs all over your favourite travel journal."
Operation: Dutch Delight (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Windmills)
The Goal: Escape reality for a bit. Eat a ridiculous amount of cheese. Take approximately 10,000 photos of tulips. Ideally, not get arrested.
The Caveat: I am a disaster in the making. My packing skills are legendary (in a bad way). I get hangry. I'm prone to sudden bouts of existential dread in museums. But, hey, at least I'm entertaining, right? (Probably not.)
Phase 1: The Countryside Farmhouse Debacle (Genderen, Baby!)
Day 1: The Arrival (and the Questionable Coffee)
- Morning (ish): Ugh, the flight. Let's just say the person next to me was convinced they were carrying a colony of angry hamsters in a suitcase. Finally, landed at Amsterdam Schiphol, feeling like a soggy teabag. My brain has already started functioning as a sort of autopilot. I am basically a zombie-version of me.
- Afternoon: Pick up the rental car. Pray it's not a lemon. Driving on the "wrong" side of the road is a thrill. Honestly feel I should've gone for a scooter. I've already missed the first turning.
- Late Afternoon: Arrive at the farmhouse. "Countryside Farmhouse in Genderen with Terrace, Garden Amsterdam Netherlands" – sounds idyllic, right? Well. Let's just say the "terrace" is less "opulent veranda" and more "slightly uneven concrete slab." The garden, however, is promising – full of roses and bees. And the house… it's charming in a slightly crumbling, "has seen better days" kind of way. The coffee machine, bless its heart, looks like it was salvaged from the Titanic. It brews something that resembles slightly-burnt pond water. I will need to find a decent cafe, and fast.
- Evening: Explore the surrounding countryside. Get slightly lost. Panic briefly about the lack of streetlights (the darkness is real out here). Find a ridiculously picturesque windmill (that's the Netherlands for ya). Feel a surge of genuine joy. This might actually be okay.
Day 2: Cheese, Canals, and a Near-Disaster with a Bicycle
- Morning: The promise of a proper breakfast. I'm not gonna lie, the farmhouse kitchen is giving me "abandoned set of a Dutch drama" vibes, but there's a huge window looking out on the countryside, so I'm sold.
- Late Morning: A visit to a cheese farm! This is what it's all about. The Gouda, the Edam, the… everything. Sample everything. Buy way too much cheese. My suitcase's going to reek. I don't care. Paradise is cheese.
- Afternoon: A bike ride through the village. This is where things get interesting. I haven't ridden a bike in approximately a decade. Nearly crash into a flock of sheep. Swear I saw one sheep judging me. Realise I am utterly and completely not a graceful cyclist. Decide to walk the rest of the way.
- Evening: Dinner at a local pub. The food is hearty, the beer is plentiful, and I completely butcher my attempts at speaking Dutch. Am rewarded with a warm response and laughter. Feel a wave of contentment.
Day 3: Windmills, Wind, and a Moment of Existential Reflection
- Morning: Another drive, this time to Kinderdijk, home of those iconic windmills. They're even more majestic in person. Feel awestruck. Start to think about the sheer ingenuity of humans. Followed by a moment of "what's the point of it all?" (It's me, I'm the one who does that.)
- Reaction: The Windmills took my breath away. I didn't know the country was this windy. I ended up with wind-blown hair, and feeling like I had been through a washing machine.
- Afternoon: Wander around the nearby towns. Stop at a café for some apple pie. The pie is amazing; the waiter asks me if I'm having a nice time; I say something incomprehensible about windmills and cheese and end up grinning idiotically. Feel happy.
- Evening: Head back to the farmhouse. Start feeling pangs of sadness that this part of the trip is almost over. Write in my journal, surrounded by the comforting silence.
Phase 2: Amsterdam: The City That Never Sleeps (Unless You're Me)
Day 4: From Countryside Calm to City Chaos (and Art!)
- Morning: Check-out of the farmhouse. Say goodbye with a pang of sadness. Drive to Amsterdam. The contrast between the rolling fields and the car-filled streets and canal-lined roads is shocking.
- Afternoon: Find the apartment in Amsterdam. (Let's hope I can remember to actually turn off the stove. This already looks like a disaster.)
- Late Afternoon: Visit the Rijksmuseum. Get completely lost in the Dutch Masters. Seriously, Rembrandt's "The Night Watch" almost makes me cry. Feel overwhelmed by beauty and history. Think about taking up painting. Realize I have zero artistic talent.
- Evening: Wander around the Jordaan district. Get delightfully lost in its narrow, cobbled streets. Find a cozy little pub, drink some jenever. Feel the vibrant energy of the city wash over me.
Day 5: Canals, Cheese, and a Little Bit of Mayhem
- Morning: Canal tour! The city looks even more magical from the water. Take approximately 500 photos. (I am not exaggerating.) Discover I have a slight fear of boats. Overcome it.
- Afternoon: Cheese shop hopping. This is a must. Buy even more cheese. (There's a theme here.)
- Late Afternoon: Get hopelessly lost trying to find a specific cafe that was recommended. End up wandering through a red-light district. Feel a mix of fascination and slight awkwardness. Try to blend in. Fail miserably.
- Evening: Find a restaurant with a view, try the local cuisine (bittersballen are my new addiction!). Watch the city lights glistening over the canals. Feel vaguely guilty about all the cheese I've consumed. Decide not to care.
Day 6: Culture, Coffee, and a Departure (with a Heavy Heart)
- Morning: Visit the Anne Frank House. Break down. (Okay, maybe not break down, but it's intensely moving.) Spend too much time in the shop and then feel guilty about not having enough time to see the rest of the city.
- Afternoon: Coffee shops. Try some stroopwafels! (Delicious) Buy all the souvenirs. Panic about packing.
- Late Afternoon: Last-minute canal stroll. Drink in those views. The city is gorgeous and vibrant.
- Evening: Last meal. Say goodbye to Amsterdam. I don’t want to leave.
- The Flight: The flight. Back to reality. Sigh. Start planning the next trip the second I get on the plane.
The Imperfections:
- Packing: I will overpack. I will forget essential items. I will probably bring the wrong shoes.
- Navigation: I will get lost. Frequently. I will also likely misinterpret directions.
- Language Skills: My grasp of Dutch extends to "cheese" and "thank you."
- Pacing: I will be either incredibly rushed or incredibly lethargic, with no in-between.
- Emotional State: I am prone to sudden bursts of joy, followed by moments of existential dread.
- Eating Habits: I will eat too much cheese. And chips. And basically everything.
Overall:
This will not be a perfect trip. No trip is. I'll probably make a few mistakes. I'll get a little overwhelmed. But I'll embrace the chaos. I'll discover new things. I will get lost in a sea of tulips. I will probably eat a mountain of cheese. And I can't wait.
This is me, and I am ready for windmills, canals, and chaos. Bring it on, Netherlands!
Escape to Paradise: Stunning Stoumont Holiday Home with Private Garden!
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits - Amsterdam's Countryside (FAQ's... with a VERY Human Touch!)
So, what *IS* this "Escape to Paradise" everyone's raving about? I'm picturing unicorns, is that accurate?
Okay, settle down, Sparkletoes. Unicorns? Not *exactly*. Unless you count the occasional ridiculously fluffy sheep or a particularly majestic cow, which, honestly, I *might* have temporarily renamed Unicorn Jr. after a particularly good apple. It’s basically a charming farmhouse in the Amsterdam countryside. Think rolling green fields, fresh air you can actually *breathe*, and a pace of life that’ll make you forget the word "deadline". Think escape from the city. Think... finally sleeping past 6 am. (That alone is paradise, right? RIGHT?)
Is the farmhouse truly "dreamy"? Because my standards are high. I binge-watch HGTV.
"Dreamy" is subjective. Let's just say it's... charming. Okay, maybe a little "rustic" in the way that means the floorboards creak like the ghost of a grumpy carpenter that needs to be properly fixed. The kitchen is *almost* as big as my city apartment. Also, please be warned, the Dutch have a thing about tiny, ridiculously steep staircases. You might have a little trouble getting your luggage up. I did. Several times. (Dear knees, I'm so sorry.) But the views? The views are definitely dreamy. Sunsets over the fields? Worth a million creaky steps and a crick in your neck. Just. Gorgeous.
What's the WIFI situation like? Because... let's be honest, even paradise needs internet.
Okay, this is where the "escape" part REALLY kicks in. The WIFI... well, it exists. Sometimes. It's kind of like the Loch Ness Monster - people say they've seen it, but reliable sightings are rare. I mean, it's functional enough to check your emails (eventually) and maybe stream a VERY patient cat video. For anything requiring actual speed, prepare for a digital detox... or maybe plan your Zoom calls for the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep. Consider it a chance to, like, read a book. (Which, admittedly, I did. Mostly.) And when the signal gave out, you will appreciate the nature even more or go out and play. (I actually did that. Not lying.)
What's the food situation? Do I need to pack rations like I'm going on a polar expedition?
Rations? Maybe just for my snacks, I am an avid snacker, but no. There are local shops. Some pretty amazing ones. I was warned that the Dutch have a thing for delicious cheese. THEY WERE NOT LYING. I ate so much cheese. My cholesterol is probably screaming. And the bakeries? Forget about it. Scones? No, they have something even better: *Broodjes*. Bread. Delicious, chewy bread. Be prepared to loosen your belt. And embrace the dairy. And probably the potatoes. (They love their potatoes.) And I went nuts with the strawberries. So fresh. So good. You WILL want to check out the local market so you don't go crazy eating the same thing from the local store.
Is this place kid-friendly? Because my offspring are miniature tornadoes.
Kid-friendly? Let's just say there are fields to run in. Cows to moo at (or maybe try to chase, which I don't recommend). And potentially a lot of mud. Which, if your kids are anything like mine, equals pure joy. There is also a lot of open space that allows kids to roam around. (This is an understatement. My nephew chased a sheep for a good hour - apparently the sheep wasn't thrilled.) The farmhouse itself is pretty safe, but do watch the stairs. Those things are sneaky. Overall, the countryside? A much better place to unleash a tornado than your meticulously decorated living room, am I right?
I want to go to Amsterdam. How far is the city from the farmhouse?
Actually, pretty darn close! It's a short drive or train ride. So you can get your fill of canals, museums, and stroopwafels without the constant hustle and bustle. It’s the best of both worlds, honestly. I was in Amsterdam one day, then eating cheese in the countryside the next. The best life. Seriously.
What if I get bored? What is there to DO?
Bored?! Okay, so, my attention span's about the size of a squirrel's, so I get it. But trust me, boredom is NOT on the menu. You can explore the surrounding villages, cycle around the area (bring a bike!), visit windmills (because, Dutch!), or just wander around. The silence is so refreshing. You can do absolutely nothing, and it's glorious. I spent an entire afternoon just staring at the clouds. Seriously. I haven't done that in, like, a decade. And there might even be a friendly cat or two. I'm now a proud cat mom.
Okay, spill the tea. What was the BEST part? And the WORST?
Okay, the BEST part? Oh, definitely the sunsets. I swear, they're like something out of a painting. Pure, unadulterated, "wow" moments. Or maybe the Broodjes, or the cheese. Or. Both. The worst? Probably those stairs. Seriously, they're a death trap (but charming!). And um... that time I *maybe* got a little lost trying to find the local bakery. (GPS signal, you betrayed me!). But even that was kinda hilarious in retrospect. Mostly. And I might have fallen in a field too. But that's a story for another day.
Would you recommend it? Be brutally honest.
YES. Absolutely, unequivocally, YES. Despite the wonky WIFI, the staircase of doom, and my occasional navigational mishaps, it was a fantastic experience. It was restorative. It was fun. It was so needed. It's a real escape. Do it. Book it. Now. Before the world finds out about this hidden gem and I can't get back there myself. Seriously, go. And please bring me back some stroopwafels.
So, what should I pack?
Okay, so you're going to the Amsterdam countryside, and it is not some ultra-modern resort. Pack comfy shoes-- you'll walk a lot, especially if you'Rest Nest Hotels
