Escape to Paradise: Stunning Mastrinka Holiday Home with Balcony!
That Hotel Review They SHOULDN'T Let Me Write (But Here I Am Anyway)
Alright, folks. Buckle up. This isn't your sterile, corporate-speak hotel review. This is going to be messy, honest, and probably a little bit all over the place. We're diving deep, people. Deep into the abyss of… well, you'll see.
First, the Basics (Kinda, Sorta…):
Let's just say I'm looking at a place that seems like it's got EVERYTHING. So, I'm talking Accessibility, Cleanliness & Safety, Dining/Drinking/Snacking, Services & Conveniences, For the Kids…, Access, Getting Around and the all-important Available in All Rooms categories. They say it's all there. Let's see if it actually feels like it. This is where the fun begins.
Accessibility: The Big, Bloody Question Mark
Okay, so, Wheelchair accessible is, of course, a major thing. They say yes, but until I'm actually wheeling around, I'm skeptical. Same goes for Facilities for disabled guests. This is the stuff that matters. Is there enough room to move? Do the ramps actually ramp? Honestly, after some of the "accessible" hotel rooms I've encountered… let's just say I’m going to need a drink (see: "Dining/Drinking/Snacking").
On-Site Restaurants/Lounges: Hmmm. I'll circle back here. The promise of a restaurant near the pool is really great. Not all the details are given, but is there enough room for those who have mobility issues to be comfortable?
Cleanliness & Safety: Sanitized to Kingdom Come? (Or Is It Just a Show?)
- Anti-viral cleaning products? Good. But I'm not an expert so I don't know if they really do what they're supposed to do.
- Breakfast in room? Breakfast takeaway service? Okay, this is practical. I can get behind this. Especially if they have like, a decent croissant, which is sadly never actually what I get when they advertise it.
- Cashless payment service? Yep, good.
- Daily disinfection in common areas? Good, good. But like, how well is this actually done? I want to see someone clean the elevators, really clean the elevators.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: Absolutely essential. That's real peace of mind.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere, good.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Gotta do it.
- Hygiene certification: Well, I hope it's real.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Smart.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Okay, let's see how that actually works in the breakfast buffet.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services, and Room sanitization opt-out available: Now we're talking.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Again, makes sense.
- Safe dining setup: Again, how safe compared to my house? I think I'm safer at my house… But what a time we live in.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Important.
- Shared stationery removed: Good move.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Vital.
- Sterilizing equipment: Yep.
My Take: So far so good on the safety side. A little bit clinical… But who likes a germ-filled hotel?
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: The Stuff Dreams (and Nightmares) are Made Of
- A la carte in restaurant? Good.
- Alternative meal arrangement: Awesome if you're vegan.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: YES. I am a sucker for a good congee. Or some dim sum. Or okay, give me ALL the Asian breakfast options.
- Bar, Bottle of water: Standard.
- Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service: Ugh, the buffet. See my accessibility comment – is it a scrum? Are the food stations actually easy to reach, or are they crammed into a tiny space? Is the coffee drinkable? These are the real existential questions, people.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Essential.
- Desserts in restaurant: My weakness. My undoing. My… well, you get the picture.
- Happy hour: My weakness. My undoing. My… well, you get the picture, again.
- International cuisine in restaurant: Okay, what's the quality of the international cuisine? Is it just reheated, generic "everything"? Or is it actually good?
- Poolside bar: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! (As long as the drinks are actually good.)
- Restaurants: Let's see the options, and how easy they are to eat at.
- Room service [24-hour]: Great.
- Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant: Basic.
- Vegetarian restaurant: YES!
- Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: Fine.
My Take: I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the food situation. But the buffet… I'm still nervous.
Things to do, Ways to Relax:
Okay, here we go with the "spa" stuff. I'm no spa person. But I need to know, for those who do, what's available.
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: This is a lot.
My Take: My body hurts looking at these options. So I’m going to say, not for me. But might be just what someone else needs.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter (Maybe?)
- Air conditioning in public area: YES.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events: Fine.
- Business facilities: Fine.
- Cash withdrawal: Standard.
- Concierge: Helpful.
- Contactless check-in/out: Smart.
- Convenience store: Useful for snacks.
- Currency exchange: Okay.
- Daily housekeeping: Essential.
- Doorman: Nice touch… or maybe just a guy awkwardly standing around?
- Dry cleaning, Elevator: Useful.
- Essential condiments: What are they? I need details!
- Facilities for disabled guests: See accessibility above.
- Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events: Good.
- Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage: Standard.
- Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery: Okay.
- On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display: Good.
- Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine: Weird.
- Smoking area: Okay.
- Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: Fine.
For the Kids: Are You KID-ding Me?
- Babysitting service: Helpful.
- Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Interesting.
- This will be something to actually look for. Everything else is, 'fine' or, 'maybe'. Here is a group that really matters, and it's a hotel. The hotel can make or break a vacation for many.
Internet: The Modern Necessity
- Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services, Wi-Fi in public areas, Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: This covers the basics. But does it actually work? Is it fast? Is it secure? The devil is in the details, as always.
Access: Security and Peace of Mind
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Pets allowed unavailablePets allowed, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms: All good signs, if implemented well. Safety first.
Getting Around: Navigating the Hotel and Beyond
- Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Options! Hopefully practical ones.
Available in All Rooms: The Nitty-Gritty
- **Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your sanitized, Instagram-filtered travel itinerary. This is the real deal. This is how a gloriously imperfect human being tackles a holiday home in Mastrinka, Croatia, and lives to tell the tale. Prepare for chaos… and hopefully, a little bit of joy.
Quaint Holiday Home in Mastrinka with Balcony - The Unplanned Adventure (AKA, My Sanity's Demise, But In a Good Way)
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Balcony Debacle
- Morning (8:00 AM - 12:00 PM): The Journey From Hell. Okay, okay, maybe not hell, but a series of delayed flights, a near-miss with a baggage carousel, and a taxi driver who seemed to be auditioning for a rally car championship. Finally, finally, hands down the absolute worst part, I realized I left my noise-canceling headphones on the flight. The existential dread of "the quiet" loomed.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Arrival and Initial Panic. Found the holiday home! It does have a balcony. Glorious, sun-drenched, potential-for-long-afternoon-sipping Balcony. The keys were where they were supposed to be, which already felt like a win. Immediately, I dropped my bags (more like dumped them) and threw open the balcony doors. Ah… the promised glory. The sea! The air! The… a slightly wobbly railing that I instantly distrusted. First order of business: a visual inspection of the structural integrity. Did I mention my crippling fear of heights? Let me just say, I’m going to be testing the limits of how closely I’m able to trust it on a daily basis.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Unpacking & Initial Panic (Continued). Okay, I should probably make sure I actually unpack and make myself feel at least somewhat at home. That’s when I discovered the tiny, yet somehow cruel, lack of decent coffee maker. Panic mode: engaged. I'm usually not a morning person, until I don't have coffee. I immediately felt the caffeine withdrawal pangs, a throbbing headache. Google maps told me about a shop selling coffee at 15 minutes distance, and I thought about my fear of navigating the roads. Should I go? Maybe I could skip it, this time, and just sit on my balcony and read a book, but I'm not certain that my current emotional state would allow for that.
- Early Evening (6:00 PM - 8:00 PM): Sunset Ritual & Immediate Regrets. Okay, fine, I’ll go find some coffee. The walk was… eventful. Let's just say, I may or may not have gotten horribly lost. I'm not very good with directions. I did, however, stumble upon a tiny, incredibly charming konoba (restaurant). I spent the next while eating the most delicious seafood risotto I've ever had. Watching the sunset, sipping local wine, and trying to forget the taxi driver from hell. Felt great!
Day 2: Island Hopping & The Cat Who Stole My Heart (And Possibly My Lunch)
- Morning (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Island Hopping Adventure! A boat tour of the nearby islands! Beautiful, yes. Crowded, also yes, but in a kind of good way? I may have gotten a little seasick (motion sickness is a constant companion, really), but then the fresh sea air and the beautiful crystal-clear water made up for it. I did a little snorkeling - or at least, attempted snorkeling - mostly just flailing around like a particularly graceful seal. Definitely worth the seasickness.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Lunch and the Cat of Destiny. Back at the little konoba, I ordered a plate of grilled fish and settled in to savour it. And then it happened. A sleek, black cat materialized, its green eyes locked onto my plate. It wasn’t begging; it was demanding. I succumbed. I gave it half my fish. I am a sucker. Now the cat is my new best friend. I think I'll start taking food for the cat to our next meeting.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Exploring the Village. Wandered through the tiny village of Mastrinka. Charming, postcard-perfect. Bought some local olive oil. Found a little shop selling trinkets. Ended up chatting with the shop owner for a good hour. She taught me a few Croatian phrases, like "thank you" and "more wine, please.” Feeling very, very happy.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Balcony Sunset Ritual - Part 2. Wine, book, the wobbly railing, slight existential threat… all good. Watched the sunset again, this time with a renewed sense of optimism and a strange, purring cat-shaped void in my heart.
Day 3: The "Culture" Day and a Lesson in Humility (And Sunburn)
- Morning (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Trogir and its Hidden Wonders. Took the bus to Trogir, a UNESCO World Heritage gem. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. But also crowded. I got lost in the tiny, winding streets. Discovered a little church that was just stunning. Also, purchased a very expensive gelato and immediately dropped it on my new, very clean, white shirt. So, the gelato was not long lived.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Learning the value of SPF 50+. Spent a ridiculous amount of time in the sun. Thinking, "I don't need sunscreen, I'm tough!" (I'm not. I'm very, very pale.) Now, I resemble a lobster. I would start to question my previous judgements. Going to be using all the aloe vera gel that I can, and avoiding the sun for the next three days.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): The Great Book Rescue. While trying to escape the sun's tyranny, I retreated back to the holiday home, and took a nap. But the wind on the balcony flipped over my book. Not good. Then I realized the balcony was actually covered in dust, and had to be cleaned. Did it with my hands, that are already burning from the sunburn.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Dinner and the existential dread of washing clothes. Okay, dinner. I am craving something simple, like a salad. Did I mention the laundry situation? My clothes are piling up. I might have to hand-wash them. The horror! But, there's wine, which helps.
Day 4: The Day of Rest (and Questionable Decisions)
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Coffee and the Introspection on the Balcony. I just sit here. The weather is perfect. The sea looks gorgeous. My thoughts are not.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Pool. I've been on a boat trip. I've been swimming. But this is the biggest thing. I decide to swim in the holiday home's pool. Alone. It feels like a paradise for a moment.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Nap. I'm sunburnt, still. I'm tired. And I sleep.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 9:00 PM): A very delicious, and very alone dinner. I'm at a restaurant. I'm enjoying fine food. And then the cat comes.
Day 5: The Grand Finale (And the Sad Farewell)
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Last Swim & Souvenir Shopping. One last dip in the pool (because, why not?). Panic-bought a ridiculous amount of souvenirs for everyone back home, because apparently I'm incapable of packing light.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 3:00 PM): The Great Packing Panic. Realized I hadn't even started packing. Proceeded to shove everything in my suitcase with a complete disregard for organization or wrinkles. Cried a little on the inside.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - 6:00 PM): The Final Balcony Sunset & The Cat's Farewell. One last sunset on the balcony (feeling much more secure around the railing, oddly enough). The cat showed up, as if on cue, to say goodbye. I gave it the last of my tuna. Managed to fight
So, like, what *is* this thing anyway? You know, in a nutshell?
Okay, deep breaths. Think of it like… a slightly deranged online chat. We're talking about a bunch of questions and answers, but instead of the usual sterile "Q&A" format, we're leaning hard into the *human* side of things. Think less robot and more… your slightly eccentric aunt who's had a glass or two of wine. It's about taking a deep breath, and diving head first into a bunch of opinions and opinions. It's the kind of thing you'd get if you asked a bunch of random people on a very, *very* long bus ride. Expect some tangents, some questionable grammar, and maybe a few emotionally charged outbursts. You've been warned.
Why is it so... messy? And, seriously, why all the italics?
Ah, the beauty of chaos! Look, life itself is messy. We're not aiming for perfection here. Perfection is *boring*. The italics? Well, sometimes thoughts just need a little *oomph*. Or, you know, maybe I'm just overusing them. I'm still learning, alright?
And the messiness...well, let's just say I'd rather be honest and entertaining than perfectly polished. Besides, who has time for perfect? I'm just trying to survive the day in this crazy, mixed-up world. Which reminds me, I need to do laundry. Seriously, the hamper is overflowing. Ugh. Where was I? Oh yeah, messiness – embrace it!
Okay, so like, what kind of questions are we even talking about here? Anything and everything?
Pretty much. We're talking about life, the universe, and everything. Think of it as an open mic night for questions, and I'm the slightly tipsy host (again, the wine, it's a crutch!). Want to know my opinion on whether pineapple belongs on pizza? Ask away! Need relationship advice? Sure, though you might get better advice from a goldfish (no shade, goldfishes). Feeling existential? Come on in, the water's… slightly murky. And, most importantly, I'm willing to be wrong. I *will* be wrong. Frequently.
But... how do you actually *answer* the questions? Is there a method to the madness?
Method? Madness? Listen, I barely have a grasp on what I had for breakfast this morning. I mostly just… *react*. The question triggers something, some memory, some half-baked thought, and then BAM! Words happen. I will usually ramble. I might tell you a story that has absolutely nothing to do with the original question (squirrel!), I'll probably get distracted by something shiny, and I'll certainly pepper in my own opinions, which are, admittedly, wildly subjective. It's like a stream of consciousness, only with more typos and even more coffee. Or, you know, wine. It's all about the feeling. The *vibe*. The complete and utter willingness to just... spew.
What if I don’t like the answers? Am I allowed to be offended?
Absolutely. Free speech is the name of the game here! Look, I'm not trying to be everyone's cup of tea (unless you really like tea, then maybe I am?). If something rubs you the wrong way, that's okay! Let me know! (Nicely, please. I have feelings, too, even if they're buried under a mountain of sarcastic wit.) Constructive criticism is always welcome. Rants are also welcome... but, you know, maybe keep them short and sweet. I get distracted easily, remember?
Okay, what about something practical, like, "How do I know if I'm depressed?"
Oh geez... alright, here we go. That's a big one. This isn't medical advice. Go talk to a doctor if you're worried, always. My experience? Well, I had a really rough patch a few years ago – completely lost my job, went through a pretty nasty breakup, the whole nine yards. Was it depression? Maybe. All I know is I felt like I was wading through molasses. Everything was heavy. Getting out of bed felt like climbing Mount Everest. Even eating felt exhausting. I'd sit on the couch, staring at the wall for hours on end, just… blank.
The real turning point? Wasn't some magic cure, wasn't some inspiring Ted Talk. It was talking to a friend who *actually* listened. Just letting it all out. And eventually, a therapist. And, okay, a whole lot of Ben & Jerry's. The point is, it's okay to not be okay. It’s okay to ask for help. It took a long time and a lot of support before I felt like I could breathe again. So, if you're feeling off, please, please talk to someone. A doctor. A friend. Anyone. You are not alone. And, for the record, I still eat too much ice cream when I’m stressed.
Fine, hypothetically, what are your *least* favorite words?
Oh, this is an easy one. "Moist". Ugh. Makes my skin crawl. "Synergy." Sounds like a fancy word for doing absolutely nothing. And, oh dear, "impactful." Just say "impact." I also loathe anything that begins with "literally" but is obviously not literal (like me) and I suspect anyone who uses "literally" incorrectly on purpose. Besides that, I love words. I just love them!
What is your biggest regret?
Okay, deep breath. My biggest regret? Probably not traveling more when I was younger. The freedom of youth plus no responsibilities? Perfect combo. Instead, I spent my twenties working, worrying about bills, and, frankly, being a bit of a hermit. I saw the world, sure – mostly through the window of a bus on my commute to work (sigh). Now, I would love to go backpacking through Europe. The closest I’ve come recently? That time I went to the dollar store and got slightly sunburned. So, yeah. Travel. Do it. Don't be a hermit likePopular Hotel Find
