Escape to the Alps! Stunning Apartment w/ Garden, BBQ & Mountain Views in Taxenbach
Escape to the Alps: Taxenbach's Secret Paradise or Just a Pretty Picture? A Review That's Actually Real
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I’m about to spill the beans on the "Escape to the Alps! Stunning Apartment w/ Garden, BBQ & Mountain Views" in Taxenbach. Honestly, the name alone is a bit much, isn’t it? Like, are we really escaping? Or just staying? And "stunning"? We'll see about that. I'm a travel writer, which means I’ve seen more fake smiles and airbrushed photos than I care to admit. So, consider this the unvarnished truth, seasoned with a generous helping of my own neuroses.
First Impressions: The Arrival and the Accessibility Snafu
The drive up the mountain was, frankly, stunning. Now, that I can agree with. Jaw-dropping views, crisp air… it felt like stepping into a postcard. Then came the parking. "Car park [free of charge]" – tick! But getting in? That’s where things got… interesting. They boast "Facilities for disabled guests" and I'd checked the "Wheelchair accessible" box because I was traveling with my elderly mother who has some mobility issues. The parking lot was paved, but the path to the apartment? Gravel. And not the finely-grained, easy-rolling-a-wheelchair kind of gravel. More like, "hold-on-to-your-hats-and-pray-you-don't-break-an-ankle" gravel. My mom almost face-planted twice! Clearly, "Facilities for disabled guests" needs a re-evaluation. This is a pretty big accessibility fail, in my opinion.
Accessibility - The Nitty Gritty (and the Gravel)
- Wheelchair accessible: Nope. Not even close in parts. The initial approach was rough.
- Elevator: Thank goodness for the elevator. The apartment itself was accessible, thankfully.
- Honestly, I'm still thinking about the path! The whole experience left me with a somewhat negative feeling.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Needs improvement. Consider detailed information about wheelchair route, or provide a call for assistance option
- Other Accessibility Thoughts: If you have mobility problems, call ahead and get very, very specific about the routes available to you from the car park, and confirm the door sizes.
The Apartment: Views, Vibes, and a Few Quirks
The apartment was spacious, I'll give them that. And yes, the views were indeed mountain-tastic. The "garden" was perfectly manicured and that BBQ? Tempting, though the evenings were a bit too chilly for outdoor feasting. The kitchen was well-equipped, which was a bonus since we planned to do some self-catering.
- Available in all rooms: Air conditioning, alarm clock, bathrobes, bathtub, black out curtains, closet, coffee/tea maker, complimentary tea, daily housekeeping, desk, extra long bed, free bottled water, hair dryer, high floor, in-room safe box, internet access wireless, internet access – LAN, internet access- wireless, ironing facilities, laptop workspace, linens, mini bar, mirror, non-smoking, on-demand movies, private bathroom, reading light, refrigerator, safety/security feature, satellite/cable channels, scale, seating area, separate shower/bathtub, shower, slippers, smoke detector, socket near the bed, sofa, soundproofing, telephone, toiletries, towels, umbrella, visual alarm, wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], window that opens.
- On-site event hosting: I noticed some of the guests were really enjoying themselves and the party set up.
- Exterior corridor: Good for the airflow.
Okay, the decor was a bit… "Alpine chalet meets Ikea catalog," but it was clean and functional. The bed was comfortable, the blackout curtains were a godsend (hello, jet lag!), and the Wi-Fi, bless its digital heart, actually worked. But there was this weird… draft. Like, everywhere. We couldn't figure out where it was coming from, but it definitely added a certain "chilly" ambiance, even inside the apartment.
Cleanliness and Safety: Sanitizing Shenanigans
This is where the Escape started feeling a little less "escape" and a lot more "under surveillance." The place was spotless. Scary spotless. I mean, I wouldn't have been surprised if they’d been using the "anti-viral cleaning products" on the furniture. They claim "room sanitization opt-out available," but honestly, I wasn’t brave enough to test it. I loved seeing the "hand sanitizer" stations everywhere.
- Cleanliness and safety: Anti-viral cleaning products, breakfast in room, breakfast takeaway service, cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, doctor/nurse on call, first aid kit, hand sanitizer, hot water linen and laundry washing, hygiene certification, individually-wrapped food options, physical distancing of at least 1 meter, professional-grade sanitizing services, room sanitization opt-out available, rooms sanitized between stays, safe dining setup, sanitized kitchen and tableware items, shared stationery removed, staff trained in safety protocol, sterilizing equipment.
- Important points: I appreciated the effort the staff had made, however, I'd have preferred a more casual atmosphere.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Buffet Bonanza (and a Lack of Vegan Options)
Breakfast was included (yay!), and it was a pretty standard Austrian affair: bread, cheese, cold cuts, yogurt, and a surprisingly decent coffee. "Breakfast [buffet]" – check. "Asian breakfast" – no. "Vegetarian restaurant" – no. "Alternative meal arrangement" – likely, if you asked politely. I'm a vegan, and the options were… limited. I ended up living on bread and fruit for the first few days. It’s 2024! Come on, Alps!
- Dining: A la carte in restaurant, alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, bottle of water, breakfast [buffet], breakfast service, buffet in restaurant, coffee/tea in restaurant, coffee shop, desserts in restaurant, happy hour, international cuisine in restaurant, poolside bar, restaurants, room service [24-hour], salad in restaurant, snack bar, soup in restaurant, vegetarian restaurant, western breakfast, western cuisine in restaurant.
- Thoughts: I enjoyed the breakfast, but there needs to be more options for people with other dietary requirements.
Things to Do (and Ways to Relax): Sauna, Spa, and a Pool with a View (Maybe)
Okay, this is where the "escape" part almost lived up to the hype. They had a "Spa/sauna," and a "Swimming pool [outdoor]." Almost. The spa was lovely, and I indulged in a massage, which was bliss. The outdoor pool did, in fact, have a view. But it was… cold. Like, "brrr, is this even heated?" cold. I dipped a toe in, took one look at the mountain air, and retreated to the sauna.
- Things to Do & Relax: Body scrub, body wrap, fitness center, foot bath, gym/fitness, massage, pool with view, sauna, spa, spa/sauna, steamroom, swimming pool, swimming pool [outdoor]
- Final thoughts: It had the potential, but I didn't enjoy the pool
- Things to do: Ways to relax: The spa services, however, were amazing.
Services and Conveniences: The Good, the Bad, and the "Do We Really Need This?"
"Air conditioning in public area"? Thankfully, no. This is the Alps, not Miami! "Cash withdrawal"? Yeah, there was an ATM. "Concierge"? I think so, but I never actually interacted with one. "Daily housekeeping"? Yes, and they were very good. "Dry cleaning"? Probably, but I didn’t need it. "Facilities for disabled guests"? We've covered that one. "Food delivery"? No idea. "Gift/souvenir shop"? Yep, overpriced trinkets aplenty. "Invoice provided"? Apparently. The invoice was correct. Some services seemed superfluous, but the staff's work ethic was superb.
- Services and conveniences: Air conditioning in public area, audio-visual equipment for special events, business facilities, cash withdrawal, concierge, contactless check-in/out, convenience store, currency exchange, daily housekeeping, doorman, dry cleaning, elevator, essential condiments, facilities for disabled guests, food delivery, gift/souvenir shop, indoor venue for special events, invoice provided, ironing service, laundry service, luggage storage, meeting/banquet facilities, meetings, meeting stationery, on-site event hosting, outdoor venue for special events, projector/LED display, safety deposit boxes, seminars, shrine, smoking area, terrace, wi-fi for special events, xerox/fax in business center
- Important points: I was particularly impressed by the elevator, and the convenience store. The concierge seemed a little superfluous.
For the Kids: Family-Friendly - But Is It Really?
They tout being "Family/child friendly," and have "Kids meal" options at the restaurant. I didn't see any kids, so I couldn't evaluate this with any authority. "Babysitting service" – maybe. But if you were expecting a full-
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Alright, buckle up, buttercups! We're talking Taxenbach, Austria. Apartment with Garden. Garden Furniture. BBQ. Sounds idyllic, right? Hahaha, famous last words. This isn't going to be a pristine, perfectly curated itinerary. This is a survival guide for my sanity.
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Dread (Plus Some Sausage)
- 07:00: Alarm blares. I swear, my cat, Mittens, thinks this is a personal affront to her beauty sleep. Attempt to pack. Fail miserably. My "organizer" is basically one giant, crumpled mess. Pretty sure I forgot a toothbrush. (Sigh)
- 09:00: Train to Munich. The airport chaos is already giving me the sweats. Why do people think it's acceptable to drag giant suitcases down narrow aisles? Rant over. (For now.)
- 12:00: Munich, connection to Salzburg. I’m starving, and the pretzels in the transit lounge look like they’ve been there since the dinosaurs. I buy one anyway. Regret instantly. It's like chewing on a stale, salty brick. Where's the good food, people?!
- 15:00: Salzburg: Train to Taxenbach. I feel the weight of my luggage settle upon me. The mountains grow larger, and I start to feel that familiar sense of awe. It helps that I'm finally away from the pretzel from hell.
- 17:00: Arrive at the apartment. Keys! Success! The garden looks… bigger than I expected. And the furniture? Well, it’s there. Let’s be honest, the Austrian aesthetic is very “practical”.
- 17:30: Unpack. Discover the missing toothbrush. Also, discover I packed five pairs of blue jeans and NO COMFORTABLE TROUSERS. Genius.
- 18:00: The BBQ beckons. But first, groceries. The local Spar market is a treasure trove of… well, things I can't read. Pointing and smiling seems to work best. I end up with a mountain of sausages. (See title of this trip)
- 19:00: Attempt to light the BBQ. Fail. The instructions are, of course, in German. The lighter is, of course, on its last gasp. (Sigh x 2)
- 19:30: Finally, after a struggle, the sausages are sizzling! The smell is divine. The taste? Heavenly. This is what travel is all about, right? Eating grilled meat in a foreign country.
- 20:30: Realize I forgot plates. Eat sausages directly from the grill. (No regrets.)
- 21:00: Sit in the garden, overwhelmed by the stars. I feel a pang of loneliness. But the sausages and the wine are helping me cope. This trip is already a rollercoaster.
Day 2: Hiking and Humiliation (Plus Mountains!)
- 08:00: Wake up. Muscles ache. The sun is beaming. Austria, you beautiful temptress.
- 09:00: Attempt a hike. Choose a “moderate” trail. See a sign that says, “Steep Ascent.” (Should have trusted my gut.)
- 09:30: Hiking. The views are breathtaking. The air is crisp. I am also wheezing. I’m not an athlete. I'm a person who enjoys watching Netflix on the couch.
- 11:00: Reach the summit. The view is magnificent. I feel a surge of accomplishment… followed by dizziness. Eat a granola bar (finally remembered to pack one).
- 11:30: Descend. Trip. Stumble. Nearly roll down the mountain. Luckily, I’m a master of (awkwardly) catching myself on trees. My dignity, on the other hand… gone.
- 13:00: Back at the apartment, covered in dirt and shame. Need. More. Sausage.
- 14:00: Nap. (Recovery is important, people.)
- 16:00: Drive to a local lake. Attempt to swim. The water is freezing. I last about five minutes. Victory!
- 17:00: Discover the local bakery. Buy all the pastries. No regrets.
- 18:00: The pastry binge begins and promptly ends.
- 19:00: BBQs. The sausage is a distant memory. Tonight, it's all about the vegetables. Well, and maybe another sausage or two…
Day 3: The Spa and the Search for Authenticity (And More Sausage)
- 09:00: Spa day! (Yes!). Indulge in a massage, a sauna, and a general sense of zen. It makes me a better sausage eater.
- 12:00: Lunch. (Post-spa glow. Worth it.)
- 14:00: Attempt to find the "authentic" Austria. Wander the local village. Talk to a few locals. Realize I understand approximately zero German.
- 15:00: Visit a charming church. Feel… nothing. Admire the architecture. Think about sausages.
- 16:00: Find a local pub. Order a beer. Attempt to strike up a conversation with the bartender. End up gesticulating wildly and laughing awkwardly. (Language barriers, the bane of my existence.)
- 17:00: Head back to the apartment. Contemplate the meaning of life. (Also, plan tomorrow's BBQ.)
- 18:00: BBQ time! Marinated chicken, potatoes, sausages: the whole shebang. Invited a local couple. It's all going to get a little messy.
- 20:00: The grill is going and so is the conversation. Trying my very best to understand the local dialects and jokes.
- 21:00: It starts to rain. We all head inside, laughing.
Day 4: Departure and the Aftermath
- 08:00: Pack. Again. This time, I'm slightly less chaotic. (A little.)
- 09:00: Final look at the garden. Sigh. I’m going to miss this place.
- 10:00: Final breakfast. Eat all the leftover pastries. (No food left behind!)
- 11:00: Check out. Say goodbye to the apartment owners.
- 12:00: Train. Airport. Home.
- 17.00: Arrive home. Unpack. Put the laundry.
This trip wasn’t perfect. There were moments of awkwardness, fatigue, and self-doubt. And, let's be honest, a LOT of sausage consumption. But it was real. It was messy. It was mine. And I actually had a blast. Austria, I'll be back! (Just maybe with more comfortable trousers and a German phrasebook.)
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Seriously, is the view *actually* as good as the pictures?
What *exactly* is in the "stunning apartment"? I'm picturing a dungeon...
The garden and BBQ – are they actually usable, or just for show? (I’m a BBQ fiend.)
What's Taxenbach like? Is it… boring?
Is it difficult to get there? I'm a terrible driver.
Anything I should definitely do/see while I'm there?
What *was* the best part, for you? Be brutally honest!
Any serious downsides? Be blunt!
