Escape to Your Dream Dutch Home: Dishwasher Included! (19km Hoorn/Medemblik)
Escape to Your Dream Dutch Home: Dishwasher Included! (19km Hoorn/Medemblik) - A Review From a Slightly Sarcastic Traveler
Okay, alright, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from "Escape to Your Dream Dutch Home: Dishwasher Included!" and I have thoughts. Let me just say, after navigating the labyrinth of Dutch canals (and, I'm pretty sure, accidentally pedaling into a swan) I needed a serious dose of… well, something. And this place, located a hop, skip, and a slightly nauseating train ride from Hoorn/Medemblik, promised a… dream. Dreamy, it was not. But it was… an experience. And hey, at least the dishwasher worked!
Metadata First, Because Apparently That's Important
- Title: Honest Review: Escape to Your Dream Dutch Home - Dishwasher Included! (Hoorn/Medemblik Experience)
- Keywords: Dutch Home, Hoorn, Medemblik, Netherlands, Hotel Review, Spa, Swimming Pool, Restaurant, Accessibility, Wi-Fi, Cleanliness, Family Friendly, Dishwasher, Honest Review, Travel.
- Focus: A brutally honest and detailed review of a Dutch accommodation.
(Deep Breath) Okay, here we go…
Accessibility (and My Slightly Clumsy Self)
Right off the bat, let me say, if you're looking for perfect, gleaming, "everything's-smooth-as-butter" accessibility, prepare for a few bumps, literally and figuratively. They do list "Facilities for disabled guests" which, frankly, is a good start. The elevator? Yes. But navigating the cobblestone paths to get to the elevator? Let's just say I almost added a new level of "character" to my luggage. (Emphasis on almost). Wheelchair access appears to be there, according to the brochure, but let's be honest, Dutch cobblestones and wheelchairs are probably not best friends. I didn't personally need it, but I felt a twinge of… apprehension.
(Rant Interlude: Cobblestones! Can We Please Just Pave the Damn Things?)
Seriously, where are my shoes going to go?
On-site Accessible Restaurants / Lounges: I didn't see anything specific about accessible restaurants or lounges, which is always a bit of a bummer - but the staff were extremely friendly, so they helped people get around pretty well.
Internet Access (and My Eternal Search for Wi-Fi That Doesn't Resemble a Limp Noodle)
"Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" the brochure screamed. Which, let's be frank, gave me hope. I mean, in this modern age, a working Wi-Fi is basically a human right, no? Turns out, it’s a Dutch human right. The Wi-Fi was okay, sometimes, for a bit. When it wanted to. Half the time it was like trying to stream Netflix on a dial-up connection. Don’t even get me started on trying to use Internet [LAN] – I gave up after fiddling with the cables for an hour and I'm pretty sure I messed something up. Look, it's a nice thought, but the Wi-Fi needs a serious upgrade for real Internet services.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax (Because Apparently, I Needed Both After That Train Ride)
Okay, okay, the good stuff. The "escape" aspect. They promised… a spa. A spa! With a pool with a view! And a sauna! And a… steamroom.
(Stream of Consciousness Alert: Sauna, Steamroom, and My Ongoing Struggle with Appropriate Attire)
The sauna was legitimately lovely, as far as saunas go. Hot, steamy, and conducive to existential pondering (or, in my case, wondering if I should take my reading glasses off to avoid fogging up). The steamroom also looked promising, but it was just more of a hot box and I think I'm not really cut out for spending 20 minutes in the steam. And the swimming pool [outdoor]? Ah, the pool. It did technically have a view. It was… a view of some trees. And some other buildings. The spa was good, though.
I did not partake in the Body scrub or the Body wrap – I’m not sure I'm Zen enough for that. The massage? Tempting, but I was too busy being stressed about the Wi-Fi. There is a fitness center, which I walked past and immediately decided was not for me. My definition of "fitness" usually involves reaching for another stroopwafel.
Cleanliness and Safety (Or, Did I Survive?)
Okay, the sanitizing was pretty good. The staff seemed genuinely focused on safety protocols. I saw Hand sanitizer stations everywhere. I also noticed Anti-viral cleaning products in use (my allergies are pleased). They had Daily disinfection in common areas. They even had Individually-wrapped food options - I guess they are serious about sanitation. They also have Rooms sanitized between stays. They also had Profession-grade sanitizing services. It's quite reassuring when you're already on edge. My room was clean, the bed was comfy(ish), the linen was fine, but I wasn't planning on sleeping in it. So, yeah, I survived.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Because Food, Glorious Food!)
The highlight of the stay? The food. I went for Breakfast [buffet], and it was a solid, if not spectacular, start to my day. Okay, not every day. But it was great. They had bacon! And eggs! And a surprising amount of pastries. (I may have eaten three or four croissants.) I did enjoy the coffee/tea in restaurant, and I even enjoyed the Happy hour which was fairly good for the price (which is always a nice touch). I ate at the restaurants every night because if I didn't eat, I'm not sure I would have made it through the trip! I also grabbed snacks at the Snack bar. Overall, the dining was solid.
Services and Conveniences (Because Sometimes You Need a Bit of Pampering)
Okay, the basics. Air conditioning in public area (thank goodness). Concierge (super helpful – they mostly helped me decipher train schedules). Currency exchange (useful for some reason). Daily housekeeping (my room looked like it’s been through a tornado every morning, and when I came back it was good as new, so I am thankful for that). Luggage storage (needed this one). The provided Invoice. Laundry service. They even had a Terrace. It’s the little things.
For the Kids (Because Apparently, Some People Bring Them)
They had all the things for kids… which I did not use.
Available in All Rooms (The Nitty Gritty)
Additional toilet(s) not available! But, the good news is, there was a toilet! A working one at that! Air conditioning was a lifesaver. They had Alarm clocks. Plenty of Bathrobes. The Bathtub? Yes. Blackout curtains? Yes, though I still woke up at 6 AM. Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Hair dryer, Mini bar, Refrigerator, Shower, Smoke detector, Soundproofing. They all worked! The Wi-Fi [free] that worked, some of the time.
(Rant Alert: The Towels! Soft, But… Too Few!)
Seriously, why are hotel towels always so stingy? I need at least three to fully dry myself, people! Come on!
The Verdict (The Grand Finale)
"Escape to Your Dream Dutch Home: Dishwasher Included!" is… a mixed bag. Some things are amazing. Some things are a little bit lacking. The wifi could be upgraded, and my feet have some pain from the cobblestone. But, the food was worth it, and the staff was super friendly. Would I recommend it? Yes, but with a list of caveats longer than the canals of Amsterdam. Come prepared for some quirks, some adventures, and maybe, just maybe, your dream Dutch home. Just remember to pack extra towels. And a portable Wi-Fi hotspot. Just in case.
(Post-Review Reflection: Did I Even Relax?)
Honestly? Probably not. But I did laugh. And that's something, right? Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a really, really good cup of coffee. And maybe another stroopwafel.
Auberville, France: Chic Apartment w/ Microwave - Book Your Dream Stay!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're planning a trip to a house with a dishwasher, 19 kilometers from Hoorn Medemblik, Netherlands. Sounds… idyllic, right? Let's see if we can actually get there and not end up in a ditch, screaming at a flock of confused sheep.
The (Extremely Unstable) Itinerary: Hoorn-Adjacent Adventure
Day 1: The Pre-Departure Chaos (and a Questionable Breakfast)
- Morning (7:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Wake up like a zombie. Coffee. Lots of coffee. Realized I haven't packed, and my suitcase is basically a black hole of forgotten possibilities. Currently digging out old travel adapters and trying to figure out if that tiny, ancient USB charger still works. Spoiler alert: It doesn't. Probably should have ordered a new one, like, a month ago. Note to self: Pack snacks! Always.
- Breakfast (9:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Managed to scorch the toast, again. Added some questionable jam to it and now regretting everything. My stomach is making noises that can probably be heard across the street. Should maybe eat something more substantial… Nah, too late.
- The Great Pack-athon (10:00 AM - 12:00 PM): This is where the real fun begins. Toss clothes haphazardly into the suitcase hoping for the best. Realize I'm missing half of my toiletries. Swear. Locate passport, thank the gods (and maybe my subconscious) that I didn't lose it this time. Start Googling "last-minute travel essentials." (Spoiler: Everything is essential. EVERYTHING!)
- (Slightly Panicked) Transportation Prep (12:00 PM - 1:00 PM): Confirm the train tickets. Double-check everything. Where's the address again? Ah – a house with a dishwasher! Yes! Google maps is my friend, even if it occasionally leads me astray, like that time I ended up in the middle of a cow pasture in Ireland. (Don't ask.)
Day 2: The Journey and the (Almost) Arrival
- Morning (7:00 AM - 10:00 AM): The trek to the train station. Trains: My nemesis and my salvation. Usually late. I've learned to embrace the frustration…mostly. Pray that I don't get stuck next to someone who talks incessantly.
- The Train Ride (10:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Ah, the gentle rocking. Finally, a moment of peace. Except for the guy loudly chewing gum next to me. Start reading a book, because that's what you're supposed to do on trains. (I will, however, sneak a peak at the window when the scenery gets more interesting.)
- The Arrival (12:00 PM - 1:00 PM): Finally, at the train station near Hoorn! (Medemblik is the final destination, right?) I'll figure it out. Let's hope the taxi or bus drivers are also friendly. Or at least, not too grumpy.
- The Almost-There Moment (1:00 PM - 3:00 PM): The final stretch. Now, the real adventure begins! After taking the taxi ride and going to the house, I think I'll fall in love.
Day 3: Deep Dive Dishwasher Delight & Medemblik Exploration
- Morning (9:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Test the dishwasher! This is a serious mission, people. Will it live up to the hype? Will it change my life forever? The suspense is killing me.
- (Dishwashing Saga 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM): Put my first items in the dishwasher. Now I must observe the performance.
- (Optional: Panic, depending on Dishwasher Performance 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Depends on the dishwasher.
I'll try to explore Medemblik. I'm hoping for charming canals, colorful buildings, and a general sense of "aww, how quaint." But also, a decent bakery with real coffee. I'll need fuel for all this sightseeing. I'm sure there will be windmills, at least. And if not, I'll be very, very disappointed.
- Day 4: (Slowing Down) & Departure Dreams
- (Morning, Flexible Hours): Quiet time. Enjoying the lack of schedule. Relishing the dishwasher success. Maybe a walk. Write journal.
Day 5: The Descent Back to Reality… Or is it?
- Morning (7:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Pack up the suitcase with a newfound sense of accomplishment (and maybe a few souvenir clogs).
- (10:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Prepare to leave. Take a last look at the house with the dishwasher and make a mental note to buy ONE for my own future.
Post-Trip Reflections (AKA: The Post-Trip Meltdown)
- Upon return:
- I'll probably have a mountain of laundry, a suitcase full of dirty clothes, and a profound appreciation for dishwashers.
- More likely than not: Feel a nagging sense of sadness… the "post-vacation blues." Seriously, why does reality have to be so… real?
- Start plotting my next escape. Because life, as they say, is too short for boring dishwashers.
And that, my friends, is my extremely-likely-to-be-a-mess itinerary. Wish me luck. I'll need it. (And maybe some more coffee.)
Unbelievable Tuscany Escape: Belvilla by OYO Muleti 1, San Gimignano!
Escape to Your Dream Dutch Home: Dishwasher Included! (19km Hoorn/Medemblik) - FAQs (and My Crazy Thoughts)
Alright, alright, before you start picturing yourself, you know, *living* the Dutch life, let’s tackle some burning questions. Because, trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve had the "dream" and then the "OMG, what have I gotten myself into?!" moment. Buckle up. It's going to be a ride, like cycling into a headwind on a rusty old omafiets.
1. So, this place... it *actually* has a dishwasher? Because, honestly, that's HUGE.
YES! Praise the gods of clean dishes! Seriously, in the Netherlands, dishwashers are... well, not always a given. I remember the HOURS I spent scrubbing dishes in some of those tiny, charming kitchens! So, yeah, the dishwasher is a massive selling point. This whole "Escape to Your Dream Dutch Home" thing feels less like a fairytale and more like… okay, maybe *slightly* more tolerable fairytale… with clean dishes. Take that, Cinderella!
2. 19km from Hoorn/Medemblik – how *far* is that, really? Is it bicycle distance? (Because, Dutch, you know?)
Okay, so, 19km. On a bike? Possible. Doable? Depends. Are you a seasoned *wielrenner* (cyclist)? Then, go for it. Are you me, with a slight fear of anything involving wind, rain, and potentially getting smushed by a truck? Then, maybe consider the car. Honestly, the *wind* in the Netherlands... it’s relentless! One moment I was all, "Ooh, idyllic countryside!" The next, I was practically horizontal, clinging to a lamppost, battling a gale. (True story! I might exaggerated slightly...) Factor in the wind, the weather...and your level of enthusiasm... and then decide. Also, public transport exists, and you can probably get a bus to Hoorn if need. But, the bike... it's the quintessential Dutch experience, you know? It's practically a relationship requirement once you move there. So, practice those cycling skills now. Trust me.
3. What's the surrounding area *really* like? Is it just tulips and windmills? Because I have expectations.
Alright, prepare yourself. Yes, there *are* tulips and windmills. But... and this is crucial... it's way more than that. Imagine... rolling green fields (some of which, let's be honest, probably get a bit soggy in the autumn). Quaint villages bursting with character. The scent of freshly baked *stroopwafels* (if you’re lucky!). Proximity to coastal villages. Then the other elements... the realities. Wind. Rain. The occasional grumpy local (everywhere has them!). I'm trying to give you the *whole* picture. It's gorgeous, yes. But life ain’t always about the perfect postcard picture, is it? Sometimes it's figuring out how to open a Dutch door that's apparently been designed by a sadist.
4. Can I bring my dog/cat/slightly eccentric llama?
I CAN'T ANSWER THAT! (But I wish I could, because llamas are awesome). Pet policies vary greatly. You NEED to check the specific listing or ask the listing agent. Don't be that person who shows up with a llama and expects everyone to be cool with it. (Though... imagine the stories!). Seriously, check the contract. Do your due diligence. Think about the neighbours. And is an eccentric llama a good fit for a Dutch environment? Is it suited to cycling-related adventures (wind related!)?
5. What about... the internet? Because, for a lot of us, that's a lifesaver (and occasionally, a work *requirement*).
Okay, internet. Crucial. Ask about the internet speed and provider. Seriously do. (I learned this the hard way, okay?). Some places in the Netherlands have *amazing* fiber optic cables. Some... not so much. Imagine a dial-up modem from 1998. Now imagine trying to video call your family. It's a nightmare. (Again, don't judge me, I just want to warn you). The Dutch have a lot of things figured out - high speed internet is one of them. So, ASK, ASK, ASK. It's a deal-breaker.
6. What's the deal with *damp* and *koude* (damp and cold)? I've heard Dutch houses can be... different.
Oh, the *koude*. The cold. And the *damp*. The damp. Yes. Dutch houses are often *amazing* in the summer. Beautiful big windows, lovely light. But in the colder months, the damp can be... noticeable. Make sure you understand the heating system! Ask about insulation. Ask about double-paned windows! I'm not saying it's always bad, but it's something to be aware of. And maybe invest in some extra woolen socks and a good book. And a strong cup of hot tea. Because, yeah, the damp can bite.
7. I'm from [insert country]. How difficult is it to, you know, *live* in the Netherlands? Like, the whole integration thing?
Honestly? It depends. It depends on you. Your willingness to learn Dutch. Your patience. Your resilience. (Because you *will* need it!). The Dutch are generally very welcoming, but they can also be... direct. Which sometimes means "unnecessarily blunt". Embrace the directness. Learn the language (at least a little!). Be prepared for things to work differently. Bureaucracy... well, it's bureaucracy. Everywhere. But I’ve found the whole process to be pretty reasonable. Be ready for a little bit of culture shock. And, above all, be open-minded. The Dutch way of life… it's pretty amazing, once you get the hang of it. It's just a little bit *different* from what you might be used to. And sometimes, that difference is the most beautiful thing of all. But, also... the *keukenhof* crowds in spring... that's definitely not the most beautiful thing. (Too many tourists!).
8. What about the *neighbourhood*? Are people friendly? Do they mind noise?
Alright, now we're getting to the real meat and potatoes of it all. The neighborhood is everything, really. Are you a late-night partier? Well, you might struggle. The Dutch, in my experience, value quiet. Be respectful. As in, really respectful. I've seen some really grumpy neighbours. In general, they are friendly. But, of course, it'll depend on the areaSearchotel
